Did you know that adverse childhood experiences can contribute to the characters of success? Grit or character rarely come from an easy life. These traits are formed through experiencing hardships and by learning from them. Extreme hardship can build a man’s character, his confidence, make him stronger, and give him the power to rise above any situation. On the contrary, it can crush a man’s soul and render him useless for as long as he lives. Tough experiences create tough people only if done right.
The Majority Remain in Victim Mentality Mode
When something really bad happens, people often fall into a victim mentality mode. In this frame of mind, it becomes difficult to do even the most simplest of things. These people become fearful, get full of doubt, their confidence becomes non-existent, they break down in pivotal moments, they run away from tough situations, and they allow life to just push them around. When one lives like this for a very long time, they forget how powerful they are, their true potential remains covered by this deep black fog.
When something really traumatic happens, people often feel powerless and vulnerable with their self-confidence going down in shambles. To conquer this, they need to rebuild themselves from one. What happened that made them this way? What did they feel that made them think this way about themselves and those types of situations? What are they afraid of? What is their greatest fear? Once you answer these questions, you will recognize what your issues are so that you can sort them out from there.
When one is traumatized, they have 2 options: To run away from it or to go head on against it. Decide for yourself that you will no longer run from these situation. Decide to face the situation head on so that you conquer it so that you are able to move on to the next level of your life. Also try the revision visualization technique to conquer past fears and traumas.
If one is terrified of going to public places, one must write down why they feel terrified when they go to these places. They must look into their past and find out what made them that way. After that, they should ask themselves, is the situation the same now? And if they answer truthfully, the answer should always be “NO” because the past is the past and now is the now.
When compared with the past, they have grown and learned from the situation, making them stronger, wiser, and more intelligent. If they respect themselves enough, they would never allow the same types of situations to enter their lives again and even if they did for a brief moment, they would figure out solutions to prevent it from creating damage or to avoid it entirely. Wisdom is everything and as you live life, wisdom always accumulates.
Most often the root of the trauma will come from an adverse childhood experiences. This is where that false belief originated and persisted until this very day until you learnt how to conquer it today. I will tell you this right now: This is a very tough one to conquer but it’s not impossible.
From the Ages through 1 to 7
Traumatic events that happen early on in childhood remain in the subconscious for the rest of your life. That is why Aristotle says: “Give me the child until he is 7 and I will show you the man.” Childhood is very important, especially during the ages from 1 to 7. If you have a child, please don’t traumatize them during these times. Please treat them nicely and encourage them in everything that they do. Please instill in them the right teachings and show them that anything in life is possible.
If this part of your life got messed up, please don’t hate yourself for it. You can still change yourself through the power of your mind. When I was a child my parents would oftentimes leave me outside alone and just abandon me. They would just drive off in their car to wherever they were going and they would just leave me hanging locked outside of the house. This event has traumatized me because it has made me very clingy in my relationships. I conquered this state and now I am very comfortable of being alone, of having my own individual space. I don’t care if people leave because I always know that I am happy by myself no matter what.
I personally don’t know how I did it, maybe because I turned 30 that I really began to mature, but who knows. It was a natural process but I firmly believe that the power of my mind made me like that. I experienced so many shitty relationships by being with the wrong people thinking that they were going to make me happy. I stopped depending on others because each time I would do that I would get dissapointed. People are never responsible for your life. Only you are responsible for your own life. I rely entirely on myself to get stuff done and if someone happens to actually do stuff for me, that’s just an unexpected bonus.
I Conquered it, So Can You
After I ousted from the cocaine business, I was traumatized of being successful because my false belief was that if one does good, others will take notice and will cause physical harm to me. Also because there were so many drive by shootings, I would always be crawling on the floor even when the gang life ended. I would also be scared of going out at night because I was afraid of getting shot. Back in the days when I was near the top, I had a hit on me. It would be normal to experience 3 or 5 attempts on my life every single month.
So coming from that, how did I recover? I decided one day that I was no longer going to live like this anymore because these traumas were preventing me from doing stuff that I wanted to do. I could not even do the simplest of things because my fears prevented me from doing so. This powerlessness that I felt during this time made me realize how vulnerable I was. From then I wanted power and to regain back control of my life. In the beginning, I started to regain control of my life through my thoughts. That is when I realized that the only thing I was afraid of was death. I was afraid of dying and that was preventing me from living my life.
When I was a child I always used to have flashbacks of my past life. I remembered that and then thought to myself: “We are born again and again so why exactly am I afraid of death. Because even if I die, I already know that I am going to be reincarnated eternally so why not live the life I want to live now. I do not want to die a boring regular life. I want to die a heroic death, an epic death, a legendary death.” That was the defining moment of my life. I would have surely gotten killed if I stayed in Vancouver, BC so I booked an airplane ticket and flew to Japan. Even in Japan, I felt myself traumatized but I took every single step to live like a proper human being.
The streets of Tokyo were so safe that it was scary. How could it be so safe in this country, it was amazing. You could be drunk as hell, passed out in the subway station with thousands of people walking by you every hour and your wallet would still be in your pocket. Japan was and still is the safest place on this planet. Living in Japan has saved me because it restored my faith in humanity of how nice and sincere people were. I tell you, the people living here are so Honorable and Respectful that it permanently changed how I thought of the world.
Before that, I thought that people were just out there to get me and that they always wanted something from me but in Japan it wasn’t like that. After about 2 years of living in Tokyo, I received word from my past gang associate that a majority of my enemies were either dead or locked up so it’s safe to come back home now. That is when I decided to come back to Canada to restart my new life. When I first landed, I was still paranoid of getting spotted and killed but then I decided to do something really drastic to get over this fear. It seemed almost suicidal but I didn’t care, I didn’t want to feel powerless anymore.
I became a real estate agent and I posted my name and my face all over the place. My first open house was highly marketed and I’ll admit I was packing a gun because I thought that my enemies would come find me but they didn’t. It was true, my enemies were mostly dead or in jail. I kept on doing real estate to conquer my fear of death. I just stopped caring about death because I already accepted that that is the one thing in life that we all can’t avoid. Death comes sooner or later so I might as well live the way I want to live until I die.
The Energy of Grit and Resilience
Studies have shown that people who have endured hardship in some way or form have a great ability to show grit and resilience in their day to day lives. These people are better than most at picking themselves up after a setback and have shown to recover faster than non-traumatized people. Post-traumatic growth is using something that was very tough as a growth experience. When severe hardship happens, it puts a huge amount of stress on us: mentally, physically, and spiritually. Hardships consume a lot of our energy as we expend a lot of energy trying to fight it.
This enormous energy that we spend fighting this hardship, trying to rise above it all creates a rhythm in our energy. Prior to this hardship, our body, our minds, and our spirit were not used to expending this much energy. Before the hardship, our energy in our lives was in a shape of a circle, an “O.” Our energy was predictable because our lives were predictable, peaceful.
When the hardship came, our energy spread out into that of an oval. Our energy morphed into the shape of an oval because the massive amounts of energy that we put into conquering the hardship stretched our energy field into something larger. This is the beginning moment of the hardship when everything is hard and everything seems to be not working. A couple weeks of trying to keep up with your life as you are put under an enormous amount of stress stretches your energy field into that of a massive oval.
As you get used to the situation and have learned how to handle and cope with it, our energy mutates and turns into that of a figure “8” or that of “infinite.” This is the transforming stage of your energy now that you have learned your lesson. You have learned how to handle the situation and have risen above it. As your energy transforms, this tremendous amount of energy that you put in creates a huge vacuum of energy. The energy vacuum is created because we are no longer putting in the same massive amounts of energy as before. Now we are able to run on about half of that energy.
This huge gap in energy creates an empty space in which you can manifest whatever trait that you want, for both positive or negative purposes. The massive expansion and contraction of that energy is a way of growth, a way of manifesting. It’s transforming us, shaping us, building our character and that is how we grow from hardship. We can use that excess energy into whatever purpose we like. We can form aspects of our character or to manifest things with it.
Our energy changes with the expansion and contraction of these figures: Circle, Oval, Figure 8. If we were used to expending a tremendous amount of energy and now we aren’t, then that big gap in energy is going to be manifested in some way or form. You will be used to using more energy than before so now you can run your life on 50% of that energy, and the other 50% you can use it to manifest anything you want to happen. This is the beautiful part of experiencing hardship: more energy to manifest and to build on your character.
We can’t change what life throws at us, the only real power that we have is in choosing our response when these adverse life situations happen. We can either choose to take it negatively and let it destroy us or we can take it in a positive way and use it as a growth tool that propels us forward. Fate and destiny control 70% of our lives. We cannot change that no matter how hard we try but we do have control over the other 30% by how we choose to translate and handle those situations.
Live life gracefully. Today, when I was carrying a couple of cardboard boxes, it kept on falling each time. I was trying to stack them on top of the other and every time they fell. I would pick them up and stack them again and about 4 or 5 attempts later, laughing at my clumsiness, my neighbour comes to me and says “Sorry to say this but it’s just too funny. You remind me of a sitcom.” I was pissed at the cardboard boxes and frustrated at my clumsiness but after my neighbour said that, I learned something:
I learned not to take life so seriously and to take things more lightly. When hard times hit and if nothing seems to be working, just imagine your life as a sit-com with cameras following you wherever you go. Tragic things happening in your life is funny if you look at it from a different perspective. We all laugh about what happened in our past. If you see your future as that of a good one and reflect back on the past from that perspective you will find that any situation can be funny, even in the most dangerous of circumstances. As you practice doing this, it will lighten up your mood and your life will begin to flow more smoothly because you learned to accept life and not to become flustered by it.
You would be surprised how many people take life so seriously and so negatively. A lot of people in this world have a negative mindset. Be the shining beacon of hope for these people by you yourself learning how to conquer your adverse childhood experiences.